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[Jul. 18th, 2007|02:01 pm] |
When I think about the way I was living for the past two years, it makes me sick. My behavior, my lifestyle choices.. I was so confused and it was all so wrong and I'm so grateful to be at the place where I am today.
I've started making enough money modeling to call it my full time career. Let's just hope it stays this way. And although I don't think it's what I want to do in the long run, I know I'd be dumb not to take advantage of it for as long as possible.
Back in SLO I've surrounded myself with the most uplifting people. My boyfriend literally changed my life. All aspects of it, he's made me such a better person. My family has helped me out so much with everything too. They've helped me to become a stronger person, and to be so happy with myself and what I'm doing with my life. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing support system, and so many people who really believe in me and push me to be the best person I can be.
Moving to LA was a bad choice for me, but I'm glad I got out of it early enough to not let it really affect me. I love SLO.. I couldn't be happier, healthier, more content with where I'm at.
I'm living the dream! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|09:28 am] |
i've been working my ass off, between the spa and san francisco i've barely had time to breathe.
but i'm kind of loving it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|04:44 pm] |
After an audition for Covergirl on Thursday, Ian and I jetted off to Japan. We left at 6 am Friday, and had a layover in Vancouver.. B.C.'s acutally VERY beautiful!
We arrived in Shinjuku around 4 pm on Saturday and passed out by 8, and didn't wake up to go clubbing )= i woke up this morning around 230 am and haven't gone back to sleep.. grrr
I got an email saying i booked a job with MACY'S (!!!!!!) and it's a 2 day shoot which pays more money than I've made so far in my career all together! I'm so excited.. but I have to fly back early to make it.
At 6 we went to the gym and had an AMAZING work out which was SO fun. The gym in the hotel is beautiful, on the 47th floor and surrounded by windows looking out over shinjuku, tokyo, harajuku.. all the neighboring cities!
It's now 830 am and I'm counting down the hours until shops open.
Updating to kill time.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2007|02:56 pm] |
at this point in my life i have EVERYTHING i could ever want.
*my perfect job.. career wise i'm living out all of my dreams, i'm doing everything i've always wanted to do.. victoria secret, here i come!
*my best friends all back together again.. after going away to college and making new friends we've all realized that you only come back to your oldest ones. they're the only REAL, TRUE friends that i've always been able to count on, and i'm so happy to have us all back together.
*my relationship with my parents has grown so much and is so wonderful.
*and i have the most PERFECT, most AMAZING boyfriend in the world!
*and i get to spend a whole last WEEK with jess before she moves.. which is going to be really hard, but i just want to be happy and value this last week we have together.
i'm just sooo happy, i can't even describe it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2007|08:34 am] |
oh my gosh.
writing from sf.. and i want to scream to the world.
i'm a FORD MODEL!!!!!!!!!!! they practically signed me on the spot, and set me up with a casting for MACY'S today. and i still get to live in slo.
my life seriously couldn't be more perfect *knock on wood*.
it's like, finally, when i've realized how to be healthy and lose weight the right way, and my body's in perfect shape for the first time in my life, this oppertunity comes. at the perfect time. i was so prepared, i'm mentally in the best place i've been in since.. i can remember.. it just all fell together so perfectly. i can't even believe it.
ahhhhh!!! cloud nine. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2007|03:48 pm] |
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i just got a call from FORD and they want to meet with me on monday. AHH!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2007|09:33 pm] |
soo i just got back from tokyo and the trip was so incredible that i haven't yet found the words to even START to describe it.
my boyfriend's amazing.. i'm way too lucky.
my music video posted today! woo!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2007|07:14 pm] |
tonight.. date wtih the bf. <3
tomorrow.. pilates, training at work, then dinner party with my besties.
friday.. santa barbara day trip with swebb.
saturday.. off to japan, and back in time to see jess and bradley for a few days.
thursday.. graycie home.
april 16-22.. thailand, FINALLY.
hopefully this all follows through accordingly.
(=
life is good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|07:27 pm] |
i'm leaving the country soon and a lot of my things that were stolen from me in newport would be really nice to have right now. like my dresses. and bathing suits. just my clothes in general.
this makes me sick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|02:36 pm] |
i think i'm heading off to japan tomorrow for the weekend.
i have about 2 weeks, i just found out, to get in shape for thailand and i'm STRESSED! heading out to hire a personal trainer today.. for both of us.
my new billboard just came out.. i'm so excited i need to make a trip to go see it in person. i think it's my third billboard i've had.. it's the best feeling in the world!
jess.. let's plan something for your bday.. big 2-0 WOO!!!
Fargo and I in the back.. I know it's not our faces.. but still just as exciting!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|10:08 am] |
i started working for a preschool yesterday and i LOVE it.
i also got emailed about modeling for coverings which i'm really looking forward to!
i really hope i can go to jenny's bday party in vegas.. that would be a great chance for us to catch up/relive old times.
and i can't wait for my vacation to thailand.
i don't think i'm gonna do season 3 of JDMA.. i think 2 seasons of a reality show is the limit.
everyone look for me in the spring issue of Ocean magazine next month.. pretty sure you can only get them in LA and OC but i'll be driving down to purchase about 5 million copies so let me know if you would like one! (aka you jess.. i'll be sending you as many as you want) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|07:32 pm] |
this is the happiest i think i've ever been.
and the healthiest i've been in a long time.
i'm really happy to be back in slo.. i'm with my family and ian, my old friends (my best friends), i get to go back to school, and am still looking to work with kids part time.
it's everything i've ever wanted.
la just wasn't right for me.. there's no reason for me to be there when i'm doing better things here, and still getting to model.
my magazine comes out next month and i'm ECSTATIC!! it's been a while.
the birthday trip has been changed to thailand.. but what do i care, i just feel very fortunate to be able to start traveling.
i just wish that graycie and jess could come visit more.
peace and love. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2007|09:58 am] |
this year was probably the best birthday i've had in.. FOREVER.
i got to go to dinner with my whole family AND my ian FINALLY.. jess i missed you (and brad of course!) and it wasn't the same without you.. i'll come visit soon!!
the night i turned 21 i went out and the second i walked into the bar i got recognized from the show, as dumb as that sounds it's always a cool feeling. and i got to go out with my sister and ian and they got along great, that was like a huge weight off my shoulders.
the day of my birthday ian took me shopping all day (= and while we were in coverings i got offered to model for them, which i've been wanting to do FOREVER!
then dinner with the fam, and i got some really amazing cards.. i like cards better than gifts.
and then ian gave me his present.. we're going on vacation to BORA BORA!!!! at the end of this month! i'm dying.. i told him i wanted to go there a while ago and he suprised me and i can't wait!!
with the exception of not having one of my sisters here.. everything went better than i ever could have expected.
as for my life plan.. i'm going to la to try and sign with either Ford or Wilhelmina once i get the rest of my pictures for my book, and if that doesn't work out i'm gonna come back to SLO for a little while.. i'm kinda leaning towards going back to school.
my mom told me that it's probably the hardest thing when you realize that the one thing you've wanted to do your whole life finally happens, and you realize it's not for you at all. that's exactly how i feel about modeling right now.. but for some reason i just can't let go of it yet. i think i just need to give it one last shot, and that's what i'm gonna do with the big agencies.
wish me luck (= |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|01:10 pm] |
So everyone's been telling me the same thing (on here and in person).. and i really want to thank you all because you've helped me so much.
I knew the option was there, I just think that hearing from other people helped put it into perspective/real consideration.
I just need to give it a little more time.. I think until summer, or like 6 mos to a year would be perfect. Stick it out, and see what happens. If some big things come along and I'm still enjoying it then I can think about sticking with it for a little while longer. But if I just stay in the spot I'm in, doing small work every once in a while, then I'll rethink my career goals.
I guess in the meantime I'll just get a second job, maybe at a preschool or something.. split my time between here and SLO, and I'll wait to go back to school until I'm done in LA. I'm nervous to go back, but I think I've really gotten myself back on track, and it'll be easy for me to keep doing well and keep myself healthy now.
And I'm kinda excited (=
So here's to everyone who contributed to helping me make this decision, even by just listening to my complaining.. THANK YOUUUUU!!!!! (=
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2007|09:37 am] |
i'm in a big rut and i need some advice.
i don't think i want to model anymore.
i'm not that happy or stable in la. i don't even like modeling that much.. it stresses me out. but i know i'd be really upset with myself if i stopped because i'll never know how far i could've gone.
and i know if i left la i'd miss my friends.. and the nightlife. but it kinda messes me up. and i'd probably start visiting graycie all the time again.
and i know how disappointed i would be with myself if i moved back to slo. along with everyone else.. it'd be a complete embarrassment. but i'm happy here. i don't want to leave.. i dread going back down south to live by myself and be lonely, and i'm scared i'll start drinking a lot again and just be completely unstable.
i know everyday i'm missing like 5 castings and that bugs me.. but what's the point of wasting my time going to these things when i barely ever book jobs. maybe i'm just not model material.. this is what i always wanted to do, and when i book jobs i like it, i love being in front of the camera and posing and learning and seeing myself on billboards and in magazines. but i don't know.. i wish i could just model and live in slo. but that's not an option.
ahhhh i don't know but i'm SOO STRESSED!! all day every day i can't stop thinking about this and it's driving me NUTS!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2006|04:20 pm] |
I forgot about LJ *sorry* but I'm so happy to write again!!
Missing Jess and SF and Bradley already.. the best part of the whole trip was hearing her say that she was happy for me and she really liked him. I miss her.. things aren't the same without her.. I could've stayed in SF forever if only to get to stay with her.
I can't remember the last time I was this happy.. and I don't want to jinx it but it's true. Having Graycie and Sara (CGC!!!) back together is AMAZING. Being so close with Rus is the best feeling in the world. Being at home for the holidays with my family. Him. Just him.. it's too amazing for words. FINALLY done filming.. can't wait for the show to air and the break is really nice.
Booking tons of great jobs.. finally fulfilling being a full time model and it's so fun!
Got my own apt in Hollywood.. WOO!!!
I don't know.. I feel like I'm bragging but things are just good.
It almost scares me, because when things are this good, I kinda know to expect something bad.. /= |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|12:16 pm] |
went to the playboy mansion last night only to help out a friend who was hosting a party there
it was just as i thought it would be.. overrated
lots of sleazy 60 year old men looking for the slutty 20 year old girls who are clearly only interested in their money.. which the men obviously don't mind at all
borrrrring
but good free drinks with cute bartenders!
have the cameras following me around all week..
peter told production i've been the most successful model from the first season so they're super focused on me
not gonna lie.. i love it
we'll see how it goes, kinda excited to get back into filming
the shows this season are going to be an hour so they can focus more on the models
the more i think about it, i think it'll be really good exposure for me and i'm pretty sure i'm gonna do it
finally getting paid today THANK GOD!
traci's coming to stay with me for a week
i'm excited! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|05:18 pm] |
I'm excited to be in LA.
I love the fact that I get a phone call from my best friend saying the boys are taking her and her girls out tonight for dinner and drinks, and then we're all heading over to Area.
Area.. a brand new club that opened last week. That we *knock on some SERIOUS wood* have no problem getting into.
We didn't get carded last time.
This time the boys have a table and I'm sure if we do get ID'ed they won't be strict enough to turn us down.
I need to remember how blessed I am to be living how I am.
I could be considered part of the "in" crowd.. part of the "priviledged, yet not quite famous" crowd.
We do what we want, we go where we want, and we have the fucking time of our lives.
And I can go out with my girls and not worry about what boy I want to date.. because right now I'm content with the state I'm in.
When I go out my sole purpose is to drink, and dance, and have fun with my girls.
That's what it's all about. My perfect friends.
This is what I love. This is the life I've wanted. And I think I'm getting happier.
Filming season two starts next week.. I'm sure if I'm gonna do it still. I guess we'll see after the meeting.
So yeah, life's good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2006|12:31 pm] |
Back in LA and I've been non stop going going going. Castings and auditions all day every day, but I love it and I've gotten some great jobs. I wish I could've seen Jens yesterday but I wasn't done filming until like 6 and then I just went home and passed the eff out.
I love living with Maddy.. we're getting along really well and it's not as bad as I thought not having anything. I'm doing a fashion show tonight so I'll get some free clothes from that which should help. And I love that I have Graycie back in my life. Honestly, I didn't know how much I missed her.. we've been pretty inseperable since we've been back. When I'm not working I don't go out very much because I always have to be up early, but we have been going out a little bit.
I miss Swebb and Alexis soo much. I miss my family even more.. I'm ready to go back and visit. It's hard going through a day without seeing Rus, and my mom, Rus you need to come visit so we can have our dates back, for a weekend at least. At least I don't have time to be homesick.. I don't have time to think about it! But overall, life is really great right now (knock on wood).. I have my Graycie back, my Traci, Desiree, Peter.. all my LA friends. I need to get together with Jenny this weekend, I don't think I have anything to do. And I have my boy right where I want him, which makes me (=
I'm skinny fat.. I was told yesterday.. and it really didn't upset me, just made me a lot more motivated. I need to get back in shape. Gym, please! Going to all the top LA agencies next week.. wish me luck! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|10:01 am] |
Today.. SF with the sisters.
Tomorrow.. back to SLO.
Monday.. FINALLY home to LA. |
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